I don’t know if it’s a New York fashion and cosmetics thing, but most people I know have had a “Devil.”
Mine was so harsh in meetings, that when we’d leave my colleague would say, “Oh, sweetie, I can see your two black eyes.”
Morally beaten down, and totally, totally disengaged.
You probably think this will be a post about how managers should treat their employees better.
But what marked me most about the time with this boss was that not everyone was as affected.
And I listened to that. I hated to, but I listened.
To be clear, this person was brutal. But most people in the organization just rolled their eyes. And one skipped along, infuriatingly unaffected, and earned herself a promotion.
So why was I so affected.
I realized much later that this boss repeated a difficult dynamic I’d had with others in my life.
She triggered me.
And it broke me in two.
Here’s the thing. You can find piles and piles of proof that your “Devil” is evil, stupid, and wrong.
But ultimately it’s you who waste energy stewing and complaining, that could be used to do your work effectively, network and get ahead.
You leave the job to escape, only to find another difficult situation, and end up job hopping.
What can you do instead?
Mine was so harsh in meetings, that when we’d leave my colleague would say, “Oh, sweetie, I can see your two black eyes.”
Morally beaten down, and totally, totally disengaged.
You probably think this will be a post about how managers should treat their employees better.
But what marked me most about the time with this boss was that not everyone was as affected.
And I listened to that. I hated to, but I listened.
To be clear, this person was brutal. But most people in the organization just rolled their eyes. And one skipped along, infuriatingly unaffected, and earned herself a promotion.
So why was I so affected.
I realized much later that this boss repeated a difficult dynamic I’d had with others in my life.
She triggered me.
And it broke me in two.
Here’s the thing. You can find piles and piles of proof that your “Devil” is evil, stupid, and wrong.
But ultimately it’s you who waste energy stewing and complaining, that could be used to do your work effectively, network and get ahead.
You leave the job to escape, only to find another difficult situation, and end up job hopping.
What can you do instead?
- Decide if this is the right position for you. It’s not unusual to take a job because it will look good on your resume. But ask if it’s time to rethink that and do something that energizes you and you are better at.
- Be with your feelings. We want to spend time finding evidence, but the only real freedom comes from exploring the feelings, then being kind to yourself about those feelings.
- Channel your empathy. Most people behave badly because they have their own self-doubt. I know my boss was under enormous pressure and had very little support from management.
- Let this person be a teacher. Sounds corny, but if you consider that the universe put this person in your path, there is something you can learn.
Remember, difficult people, don’t get to decide our happiness or our success.
My best,
Claire
My best,
Claire