A while back, several members of a team I was coaching had an issue with the same person.
They told me about the person’s frustrating behavior, how it was stressing the team and how it was making them look bad to other departments.
Sounded cringy.
I could see how the situation was making them avoid this person, which could make everyone less efficient, and make them each feel like they were losing their standing in the eyes of the organization.
But what impressed me about each of these team members is that when I said, “You know, we can work on changing his behavior, but that will take time. For now you have to work on being less affected, and working with it,” they quickly agreed.
That is maturity.
With the small shift from complaining, to an objective assessment of the situation, to considering how they could reduce this difficult person’s stress, these team members also shifted from feeling like victims to feeling empowered.
That small shift had a big impact on their well-being.
I know that sometimes it can feel like you are forever adapting to make up for others’ behavior.
What I’ve seen, again and again, is that the key to shifting from complaining to empowered is also accepting that you bring enormous value.
When we overlook what we contribute, it’s easy to slide into feeling unappreciated, victim-y.
What these team members had was a solid grounding in their own sense of worth. So it was easier to shift into thinking about helping this difficult person.
As you think about the people who frustrate you at work…do you take a moment to remember how much you contribute?
And give yourself credit for it?
And as a manager, do you give your team specific positive feedback about the good stuff they contribute?
A little maturity goes a long way.
My best,
Claire
