This past week, on vacation in Virginia, I asked for a macchiato at a Starbucks. We were starting a long drive and had had a big lunch, so espresso with a small splash of milk seemed just right. What I got instead was a 16oz. cafe latte with an ounce of caramel syrup, topped with whipped cream and cinnamon. I was so taken aback, that I had to Wiki “Macchiato” when I got home.
What does this moment have to do with personal leadership? To me it is around the assumptions that we make. How often in life do we take something at face value, only to find that the light pick-me-up is actually a heavy, sleep-inducer, and not that good for us? And how often to we skip over questioning the visions that others create for us? This is at the heart of personal leadership and of being in the driver’s seat in our lives.
Women today, especially high-achievers, are faced with images that I believe are distorted. Whether it is the 1950’s mom who cooks all day and is still patient and loving at every turn, the unflappable employee who makes every promotion and bounces from one great opportunity to the next, or the part-time working mom who is hyper-efficient every day. Amazingly, we take these all on at once, without realizing that each one, on its own, is near-impossible to achieve. It is a nine car pile-up that leaves us frustrated at best, depleted and down at worst.
Here’s an idea. How about taking a look at the assumptions that you make. If you are a mother, what is most important to you in motherhood? What was the same, and different, from your own mother? At work, do you really want the next promotion just because it’s there? If you could write your own career path, what would it look like? And in the comparison game, what is your unique combination of interests and values that makes it OK to be just you? I would love to hear what you come up with.