I found this week’s New York Times article, “The Spirit of Sisterhood is in the Air and on the Air” quite interesting in the context of today’s work world. According to the article, women thrive when we are collaborative and support one another. In fact, from this approach, we are the glue of society. That support is exactly what the women’s networks of large banks, consultancies and other organizations seek to create.
The corporate cultures we live in today were largely developed by men in the early to middle part of the 20th century. Within them is often an assumption of achievement, competition and an “each man for himself” way of thinking. Interestingly, since the feminist movement, women have come to identify with the same sense of achievement men have. When I talk to my client base of mid-career women, I consistently hear, “I want to maintain a key decision-making role even though I have/want a family.” So we are pulled in two ways: One is our instinct to nurture and support one another, and the other is the desire to get ahead.
In coaching we call this competing values. We want two things at once that seem to be in conflict with each other. What can we do to resolve it? The first step is to acknowledge both. As women, we need to acknowledge our need for a nurturing type of support, even at work. It doesn’t mean we will get it, but it does mean we might stop blaming ourselves for not being as “tough” as some work cultures push us to be. This seems small, but it is critical. Once we acknowledge what we need to be in alignment, we stop making decisions from a place of compromise.
The second step is to get informed. There is a book I love on corporate strategy that reads like the playbook swiped from the men’s locker-room, Carla Harris’s, “Expect to Win.” It helps take the emotion and mystery out of navigating company politics. The third step is to create small networks of trusted friends and colleagues. These can be within your organization, or outside, but they need to support you. And finally, be in choice – know when you will honor the competitor in you and when you will honor the girlfriend. We need both.