Last Monday’s New York Times had an article entitled “When Self-Knowledge is only the Beginning” about the limits of self-awareness. I love what this article says — that knowing why you are stuck or depressed doesn’t, in an of itself, resolve the problem. This goes to the heart of coaching. Coaches assume that you need to take different action to get different outcomes.
If you are having trouble balancing work and life, it’s not enough to know that your very demanding parents made it impossible for you to leave the office until midnight. To solve the issue, you have to set limits with your boss and stick to them. This can be very uncomfortable, but the learning is immense. The same goes with getting into relationships. Knowing that you don’t trust men/women because an opposite sex parent was unavailable won’t, in and of itself, make you date with ease. You need to change habits and approach, and then evaluate what you learn from it.
One of the most important things a coach does is to support a client through this process of changing habits. It is natural to hit obstacles and roadblocks when we try to do things differently. And so often we take an impediment as proof that the change isn’t working. We give up. A good coach helps the client see the learning, keep the faith, and ultimately expand the successful new behavior.