Using listening skills and focus on others can increase influence, and confidence
New clients often ask me about my background. I have learned to respond with, “Well, I can tell so many versions. What is most interesting to you?”
It may seem odd to start a communication by asking the audience what they want to hear. But when we just start talking, it can be like talking into a void. Who hasn’t started a presentation or told a two-minute job history that (whoops!) turned into eight minutes and never really got to the point. It happens in meetings when we fear that we might not know enough. It happens in interview situations where the power feels imbalanced and we get nervous. Imagine how different the conversation would be if you listened first. You could tailor your message and have so much more impact.
Here are a few ground rules for effective listening.
- Set up the room, focus the participant(s) and turn off the devices.
- To break the ice, be as transparent as possible. Sometimes I just smile and say, “Where should we begin?”
- Listen with minimal encouragers – nods, yeses, um-hums, wow!’s – but don’t interrupt or take over.
- Summarize or reflect what the person said: “So you really want to know about our 2016 business plans.”
- Know your triggers. Do you tend to provide solutions, avoid confrontation, or become critical? Knowing what you do when you feel nervous can help you stay open, and calm.
Here’s my call to action: Would you really listen to a friend or colleague twice this week for 10 minutes each? Notice what happens and see if you’d like to try it again!
And for those who know my background…Vive la France!
Claire