“Don’t worry so much what people think” is something I’ve heard for much of my life. I am one of those people who cares a lot what others think, and I would love it if everyone liked me, all the time. With age comes wisdom and I have learned that my “weakness” is coupled with a great strength. My desire to be liked means I adapt to people and am pretty good at winning them over. That is important when I am in front of a corporate audience delivering workshops on touchy-feely topics. If I can’t win them over, they won’t see the benefit in what I am teaching.
I am not alone. When I asked about confidence, several of you wrote back that you feel confident when you look good. There’s a lot to be said for it. The more we can adapt to the audience, the greater the chance that they will be receptive. It doesn’t remove the need for good communication and substance in our message, but let’s not discount the appearance details. In the Social Style model, which measures agility in leadership, “Image” is the first measure, about 10% of the whole. What if we ignored it? Imagine showing up at a Wall Street power lunch in Birkenstocks. Or going to Google in a tailored suit and expensive leather shoes. You would lose credibility. More subtle differences in appearance can still make people feel good about you, or not.
It is what it is. Yes we want to be loved when we are at our most relaxed and natural, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t consider others. Take the time to look your best and to consider the appearance of the person or people you are dealing with. Your efforts will be appreciated and you will feel that appreciation reflected back to you as confidence.
All my best,
Claire