“I can’t help it! I’m a perfectionist,” is a line that drives me crazy.
You’ve heard me talk about the Confidence Lie — using impressive experience or talent to hide internal self-doubt.
Which makes the “perfectionist” claim the rallying cry of the Confidence Lie.
It leverages our shared value of hard work and high standards to hide a fear of taking action.
A fear borne of self-doubt.
Thing is, when you let the perfectionist claim go unchecked, it has an impact.
The person using it may unwittingly intimidate or silence others, who might have something important to contribute.
Most importantly, they are avoiding action that everyone might learn from.
In our fast-changing world, you can’t afford to miss out on the learning that’s on the other side of action.
What then, is a better approach?
It’s this: learn to deal with failure.
The easiest failure to manage is the “learn from” type. This is when you are on course and little things happen, but you fix it and move on.
Ramping up one step, you also have “learn from,” but it’s bigger. You might observe what happened and decide to tweak or slightly evolve the course.
Next is reflective failure. Maybe the failure is holding up a mirror to you and your team. “Why were we doing this? Was it for the right reasons?” Here you’re not just course correcting, but you’re revisiting the underlying assumptions.
And finally there is the force majeur size failure. Bankruptcy is an obvious one, or dissolution of a project or team. This also includes things beyond your control, like a pandemic.
Next time you hear someone on your team claim perfectionism, call a time out.
Avoid saying, “What are you afraid of??” as that will likely shut them down. Instead, get curious by asking open ended questions, “What are you thinking might go wrong?”
Lead the way by having the person or the team imagine themselves succeeding and failing. Let them feel what that will be like.
Then revisit the issue, see if you have the information you need to be making a sound decision. If you do, you’re good to go.
No perfectionism required.