Sometimes when you’re stuck, the last thing anyone will tell you is to feel your feelings.
You’ll hear that making a list of gratitudes will help.
You’ll hear the famous story that ends with, “The wolf you feed is the one that wins.”
You’ll be told to look for the gift or opportunity in a situation (ie, the silver lining).
Yet there’s one thing that, stepped over, disempowers any of these very useful tools.
It’s this: If you use the tools above to avoid your feelings, those feelings will keep you stuck.
Giving yourself grace will devolve into blaming others.
Finding the silver lining will show up as toxic positivity.
Snapping out of it, sometimes today referred to as failing fast, will lead to anxiety and even abrasive behavior.
When you put yourself into any of these states, it’s a small, invisible way to abandon self-care.
It also usually has a ripple effect on your team.
Instead, start by feeling your anger, fear or sadness.
We’re told that if we were stronger, more agile or resilient, smarter, we could avoid unpleasant feelings, or get out in front of them.
It doesn’t work that way.
Ask yourself “what is the feeling I am avoiding?”
Listen to the answer.
Give yourself the space to feel it. Cry if you need to, scream if you need to.
Don’t feel shame about the feeling.
It’s not the feeling that’s right or wrong, but how we choose to respond can have a more or less productive outcome.
Feeling the feelings carries you to a place of much more balance, ownership and wisdom.
When that happens, you can find solutions. You can grow. You can stay connected with others.