The other day I was at Pinkberry getting a frozen yogurt. I was the only person in the small store, which was about 15′ x 20′. The clerk, also alone, seemed new and very enthusiastic. When he took my order, he said, “Your name?!” I smiled inwardly but then told him, gave him money, and got my receipt. He turned around, took the printed order from a machine, made my frozen yogurt and handed it to me with a smile and a, “There you go!”
Had it been a skit on Saturday Night Live, it couldn’t have been more perfect. Thank God he didn’t shout, “Claire?!” into the air.
So what do we make of this? I see companies trying so hard to create a sense of intimacy, that they totally miss the possibility for good old-fashion communication. And I also see a twist on this in our work lives. Often at work, we use the excuse of “being professional” to hide from confrontation. The problem is that doing so also prevents effective communication, and effective leadership. Who hasn’t:
- Withheld a comment or opinion because it might rock the boat, only to see a valued relationship deteriorate?
- Avoided a conversation with someone because you are simply sure that the person is: a) a jerk b) too fragile c) please fill here.
- Not communicated praise or constructive criticism, only to end up with a subordinate who knows something is wrong, but is confused and nervous.
Small actions (or inactions) can have enormous consequences. In a NYT article yesterday on the management at Google, they talk about eight major rules to being an effective manager. Number 5 addresses good communication head on. But number’s 1, 2, 4, 6 and 7 are also closely linked to good communication. And, one of the three pitfalls of managers is “Spend too little time managing and communicating.”
So, how do we learn how to communicate effectively? It can feel challenging, awkward, too touchy feely, or frankly like an accident waiting to happen. My friend Joann Baney, who I work with at Columbia, wrote a book, Guide To Interpersonal Communication on the topic. It is an excellent resource for learning how to take the emotion out of communication and help you learn how, with experience, to communicate effectively.
Have a wonderful March, and I’ll see you in April!
Claire