Today I did the Dinner Party Exercise with a new client (details below).
I explained what I always explain with this exercise, “This is who you are at your best.” And then I qualified that further, which I also always do with this exercise: Who you are at your best is not outside of yourself, as in, “When I’m nice to everyone even though I’m annoyed, I’ll be a good/worthy/valid person.” Who we are at our best is who we are at our core, who we were at birth. What gets in the way are the circumstances, challenges, fears and insecurities that suffocate that person.
I often hear clients suggest that they will deserve something once they prove themselves, get communication right, or reach some other carrot on the stick.
Yes, self-management is important. And yes, you may need to demonstrate an understanding of certain tasks in order to go to the next level.
But you at your best has been there all along. Like when Michelangelo was asked how he carved the statue of David and he said, “The statue was in the marble. I carved until I set it free.”
Gives me chills.
Here is the Dinner Party Exercise:
- Invite eight people to dinner and write down three adjectives for each one
- Look for common themes: Fun in a down-to-earth way, thoughtful of others and supportive, a maverick thinker who embraces change, etc.
It’s human nature to criticize in others what we don’t like in ourselves. It’s also human nature to admire in others what we love in ourselves, even if we don’t realize it.
So that’s it. The character traits you described from your dinner party guests are you when you are confident, relaxed, energized in a positive way, and living and working from a place of abundance.
No need to change, just focus on keeping the negative voices at bay.
All my best,