For years I’ve been reading and hearing about happiness and positive psychology. But there was always something that didn’t make sense. I mean, where are these people jumping up and down like Tom Cruise on Oprah right after he met Katie Holmes? And, how can so many studies say that people with children are less happy, when in their older years they all seem to say that their greatest happiness was having children?
In last week’s New York Times there was an article called, “Beyond Happiness.” Finally, something that makes sense. Martin Seligman’s new dimensions for measuring happiness come so much closer to something human. He now identifies: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment. I love the last two in particular.
I’ve heard more that one person say that the time they spent taking care of a dying parent was the most difficult, and the most fulfilling, time in their lives. They had meaning. And as far as the last part, I was fascinated reading the Tiger Mom’s article when she said roughly that not pushing her kids meant robbing them of the joy of accomplishment.
In my own work, I focus on helping clients click into the life they are supposed to have, get in the driver’s seat, find themselves. The metaphors are varied. But what I don’t do is push them to experience each and every day as perfection. It’s too much pressure! What’s more, creating change, evolving towards greater fulfillment, usually requires a level of discomfort and possibly temporary unhappiness.
So how do you distinguish unhappiness from delayed gratification? When do you know you are due for real change, and not just spinning your wheels? One big one is a purpose statement. When you are 80, what impact do you want your life to have had? If what you are doing now contributes to that in some way, great! If you know that what you are doing isn’t feeding that purpose, a change, bit or small, may be in order.