Naughty or Nice?

This Fall I conducted over 30 360° assessment debriefs with business school students in New York City.  These are sessions where together we review their leadership styles and talk about feedback they’ve gotten from colleagues.  It is fascinating.  Despite being proven leaders who are attending a top business school, they almost universally want to zero in on their “weaknesses.”  It’s human nature.

As a coach, one of my most important jobs is to first get people to talk about the good parts, their strengths.  As I learned in my coach training, it is much harder to talk about what’s good in us than what’s bad.  And yet, if we really want to evolve as leaders, colleagues, or even friends, the juice is in knowing the positive impact we have on others or on situations.  Once we know that, we can leverage our strengths to have more impact, and even more importantly, to be happier.  And once we know that, the “weaknesses” seem to roll off our backs.

If we divide work, or life, into the “being” and the “doing,” then the above example is about being, or who we are.  It may come as no surprise that we tend to do the same with “doing,” or what we accomplish.  Who cannot relate to the endless to do list, that just rolls forward like an ancient scroll.  The one that leaves us breathlessly catching up, all the time, and feeling like we are always failing a little bit.  That too, is human nature.  We are conditioned to focus on what still needs to be done, and so rarely stop to celebrate.  Would you take a moment to celebrate yourself and what you’ve done this year?

Here is a year end appreciative inquiry that is my gift to you.  Believe me, it’s a gift.  I do it every year and it is better than a massage!  For this exercise I’ve taken inspiration from my colleagues Cat Williford and Nadine Nicholson, two people who play very much in my own appreciative inquiry:

1. Going month by month, list the 2-3 major accomplishments, or wins, for each month.  Include personal as well as work.
2. For each accomplishment, ask:  Why was it important?  How does it fit into the big picture?  And, what is next in this area?
3. Then, which accomplishments did I enjoy and do well?  Which were successful, but not especially energizing?  Which were no fun at all?
4. What trend do I see emerging?  Where do I have the most impact and what does it say about my leadership style?
5. When was I being my ideal self?
6. When did I see Myself backing off, or being afraid?
7. What am I grateful for?
8. Where was I disappointed?
9. Who am I becoming that I want to take into 2013?